Skip to main content

Who Is Patrick Valdez?

Patrick Valdez: a self portrait by Self

Life 0-10

I'll be honest here, I have no recollection whatsoever of actually being born. My earliest memories begin at around the age of four but my first solid memories don't start until around the age of six. So anything I claim to remember before the age of six should be suspect. Some memories are sharper than others but I definitely remember camping, fishing, shooting guns, getting heat stroke, my parents divorcing, getting spanked (for real spankings, by hand, that hurt!), cartoons, starting school, Christmas, the 70's, AM radio, Disco (kinda), the original Battlestar Galactica, the time when TV was not broadcast 24 hours a day, watching my dog get stolen by that scumbag construction worker, getting glasses, developing my dislike for doctors and some other stuff. Damn, looking back those were some good time

Life 11-17

Holy fuck, I was an awkward child/teenager so between the ages of eleven and seventeen there was a lot of angst but also some degree of hope that the future would be so bright that I'd have to wear shades. It wasn't all bad but seriously, fuck high school. Yeah, I graduated but still, fuck high school.

Life 18-Present

Adulthood. Oh yeah, I'm in the big times now baby. I was on top of the world but soon came crashing down but then I picked myself back up and made another go of it but, you guessed it, I fucked up and ended back down in the gutter. But hey, I'm resilient so once again I remade myself to be bigger, faster, stronger and took another shot at it. It hasn't always been pretty but I can't complain. And look, I even have my own website now!

Popular posts from this blog

Spyhouse: the little coffeehouse that tried

First off, I love the crisp white bags with the Spyhouse logo printed on them.  I always feel all ooh la la when I carry one down the street.But I digress.  Secondly, I do not have any negative feelings towards Spyhouse but they really don't make a good cup of coffee or espresso and that is simply my opinion and really; who the fuck am I?

Fat Punisher: Food Journal [Street Art] by Patrick Valdez

Fat Punisher is the recipient of multi-disciplinary food eating skills learned from the menus of fast food joints nationwide as well as several fine dining establishments. While not trained as a professional eater he has received cross-training in basic food preparation specializing in quick snacks. In addition, since beginning his work as an over eater, Fat Punisher has used his eating discipline and training techniques to update and expand his skills in areas that aid in his mission. From this training, Fat Punisher is proficient in not only basic eating skills, but in special double-handed eating techniques and plate balancing. He is highly trained in adding multiple toppings when faced with a buffet and skilled in the use of a variety of sauces and condiments, mainly mayonnaise on fries.

Denatured Alcohol: a portrait of self by Patrick Valdez

It is the year two thousand and eighteen.  I have bourbon and cigars.  Life is currently good up here on the frozen tundra.